Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
