I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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