so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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