so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
