I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Even my vagina gasped.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
