we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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