So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
