Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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