her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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