All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
