I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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