Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
