there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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