im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The uberlube is also flammable
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
