As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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