I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone came in the potted fern
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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