he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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