dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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