If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
