Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
