a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
