I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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