How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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