I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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