Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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