I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
