We're facebook friends in real life
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
