She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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