I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
