Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize