I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
