By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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