I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
