You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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