You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
