you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
