He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
