operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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