I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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