she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
