You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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