have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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