my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
