Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
