I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
