i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
