"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
