So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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