I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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