Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
