you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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