bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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