marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm passing your future prison.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
be right there i have to get my cape
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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