Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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