youre lurking in front of me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
