is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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