It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
