The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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