i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
