...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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