found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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