Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it's like iHOP with fire
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
