Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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