i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
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my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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