Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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