Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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