he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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