If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My hand turned me down
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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