What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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