the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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