if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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