I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
