he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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