You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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